Nintendo: Make Harambe a Pokémon


Harambe the Great; or so some call him. The 17 year-old western lowland gorilla was enclosed in its habitat at the Cincinnati Zoo and Botanical Garden when a young boy climbed into the enclosure and was grabbed by the 440 pound gorilla and dragged through the water of the habitat. Zoo keepers stepped in with live rounds and shot the gorilla, instantly killing it. The incident became one of international controversy as the video was released, and commentary made on it. The zoo and much of the public believe the killing was justified due to the risk of the child being injured. However, another large portion of the public believed the zoo was wrong in killing the animal and therefore called for justice. Fewer took…

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Make Disney at Night as a Block on Disney Channel


This petition is extremely bizarre because it doesn’t explain itself at all. All the petition says is that it’s petitioning the Disney Channel to “make Disney at Night a Block on Disney channel.” Is the petition suggesting that the Disney channel block itself with something called Disney at Night or is it asking to make something called Disney at Night a permanent show on their channel? We’ll never know because there’s no further explanation given. Either way, this petition only has 6 signatures. Maybe it’s because no one knows what the petitioner is talking about? If he wanted Disney to take them more seriously, he might have wanted to go in to a bit more detail.

Don’t Let Straight Men Drive


Someone actually created a petition asking to not let straight men drive because they could become distracted by other female drivers on the road. I’d like to say this is a tongue in cheek petition, but who the hell knows these days? The petition claims that if a man can be seduced by the mere sight of a woman’s thigh, they should not be trusted to run a vehicle that weighs thousands and thousands of pounds. The petition only received 12,000 votes, but it’s scary that 12,000 people thought this was a good idea. I’d like to point out the petition makes no mention of if gay men should still be allowed to drive if they will be distracted by the good looks of other…

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“Death by Food” Petition


A bizarre petition was drawn up in order to stop what was called the “Death by Food” event. Farmers were inviting people to personally slaughter animals so they can see where their food came from before they take it home and ate it. This macabre event was supposedly created to help people become more educated about where their food is coming from. Animal activist however, raised a big stink about the event claiming that it was both cruel and unfair to the animals. The petition raised such a ruckus that the event was eventually canceled. Yes, we who eat meat know how brutal the process to get our meat the grocery store is, but it makes you question anyone who’d want to participate in the…

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Nationalize The Twinkie Industry


The White House website has some of the strangest petitions on the internet. This petition is no different. Someone actually created a petition to nationalize the Twinkie industry. The petition reads as follows: We the undersigned, hereby request Barack Obama to immediately Nationalize the Twinkie industry and prevent our nation from losing her sweet creamy center. This is obviously a tongue-in-cheek petition, but it makes you wonder why anyone would take the time to create it. Twinkies are one of the most unhealthiest deserts out there and if we’re all being honest, they’re sort of gross. What’s even scarier about this petition is the fact that almost 4,000 people signed it and apparently agreed with it.

People Signing to Ban The Bible


Australian gamers were furious when two large retailers banned the popular ultra violent video game Grand Theft Auto so, they did the most logical thing possible: started a petition to ban the bible. It was clearly meant to call the retailers out as hypocrites, but what did they hope to accomplish. They certainly didn’t think they would succeed in banning the bible right? The petition goes on to read that the bible “encourages readers to murder women for entertainment” by “commit(ting) sexual violence against women, then abuse or kill them to proceed or get ‘god’ points.” It then calls for Australian retailers to pull the bible off of retail sales. 62,000 people actually signed this petition, but it did not get the bible pulled off…

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Is Mitt Romney a unicorn?


“Mitt Romney’s DNA has never been compared with a unicorn’s,” political activist John Hlinko explained. “We can’t rule out the fact that he is a unicorn.” This petition is not meant to be taken seriously at all, but it is meant to make a point. People who considered themselves “birthers” believed Obama was not born in the United States. They illogically insisted that he show his birth certificate. This petition insisted that Mitt Romney prove he’s not a unicorn.

Distribute Sour Cream ‘n’ Bacon Ruffles to the US

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Yes, someone actually made a petition to bring a flavor of chips to the United States like it was something important! The person who made the petition claims that they actually drive across the boarder to buy these chips because they’re so good. Who has the time to do that? I’m not sure what’s worst: the petition or the fact that someone constantly drives across the boarder just to buy chips. Read the petition further here:

National Dinosaur Park


I’m 100% sure that this Dinosaur Clone Park petition is a joke, but some person still took the time to write it up and post it on the White House petition website. The writer of the petition claims to be apart of the “scientific and great-imagination communities.” That doesn’t even sound like a real community by the way. They then go on and demand that 1 national park be “fenced off and filled with dinosaur clones.” The petition even makes a list of demands which include: 1 national park opened year around filled with dinosaurs, the creation of cloned dinosaurs, whatever the cost and a response to the petition by Vice President Joe Biden. It’s clear that that the petition is a joke at the…

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Give Nicolas Cage The Declaration of Independence


“Nicolas Cage deserves the Declaration of Independence,” the petition copy says. “He is a National Treasure. Having stolen the Declaration once, he is clearly capable of doing so again, but chooses not to out of the kindness of his heart. He should be rewarded for his work as an actor and a historian by being given the Declaration of Independence.” Yes, this is a real petition someone made on The White House peition page: Apparently, someone thinks that because he is an excellent actor and historian (says who?), he deserves to have one of the most important documents in American history! I truly hope that this person is joking as this is one of the most ridiculous petitions I’ve ever seen. National Treasure is…

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